Living Fearlessly

Have you ever done something where you felt fearless? Like nothing or no one could stop you from doing something you wanted? For the past month, I have been trying my hardest to do exactly that in one particular area of my life; My hair. 

I honestly don't know what ever made me worry about such a thing as petty as what my hair looks like, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that my hair is wild. Wilder than wild. And where I've grown up, that's not really a normal thing. My hair is very different from everyone else's. Obviously because I'm part African American. But I'm not sure what point, situation or event in my life made me decide that different was a bad thing. Because I love unique qualities in people, especially when most of the time their unique qualities are their best qualities. Maybe I just woke up one day and decided I didn't like my hair.

Believe me, I have my reasons for having hated it. And most of them are logical, in my opinion. For one thing, it doesn't grow. It does, but it takes FOREEEEVVVVERRRR. There's nothing that I hate more about it than that. Because, if it were long and beautiful and had flow and just did what I wanted it to for once, I would have started wearing it naturally a long time ago. It is a true dream of mine to have hair to the bottom of my back. For another thing, it's so big. So hard to tame. And you can't try to brush it down because then the curl goes away and it's just one nappy, frizzy ball of… something on top of my head. There are many other reasons, but I will spare you them.

So, about a month ago, on a beautiful, perfect summer night, I was spending time with my dear friends Paige and Zane very late into the night and on into the early morning. It was about two AM or so, and we had been driving around town for a while when it started raining. Pouring. We were stopped in a parking lot and I asked them if they would dance in the rain with me. They agreed and we ran outside, running and playing like we were little kids. My hair was so heavily soaked with the rain that it turned back to it's natural state. (I usually straightened it) They both freaked out, especially Paige, and kept asking me why I didn't wear it like that all the time. And really, I couldn't come up with one valid reason. But, I promised that I would wear it natural in public for them at least once. 

Once turned into twice, which turned into three times, which has now turned into every day since early June. And guess what? I don't plan on ever changing it back. Because, I just don't care. 

I am choosing to live fearlessly. What a waste it would be to continue worrying about something as silly as the hair on my head. After all, everything is meaningless under the sun; a chasing after the wind. (see Ecclessiastes 1:14; aka probably my favorite book in the old testament) I want to have gumption, and be brave. I just don't want to care so much. I don't want to care at all. And now, I don't. Not to toot my own horn, but I have never received so many compliments on my hair, ever. Strangers tell me they love my hair! To think I spent the last 8 years caring so much. 

I feel like a completely different person. Not because I have a new look, but because I have a new outlook on life. This feels like a new beginning, and really, it is. I am moving in exactly one month, and now is the perfect time to be exactly who I want to be. It's so lovely, the thought of me in a new city, starting a new life. And the life I want possesses living fearlessly, confidently. It's silly that I can say all of that because of hair, but after all, I am female.

Please enjoy these photos taken by my best friend in downtown Wichita. And thank you for reading. Seriously.